Friday, June 27, 2008

"Changing, gotta keep changing..." -- Old AVB song that maybe 2 people will recognize

Recently I keep thinking of what Heather would say to me in Korea: "You can sleep when you're dead." I've actually been getting pretty decent sleep, but the daytime hours have been exhausting. I'm ready to be done with my job. Coming back from a week in West Virginia (which was great!) to four days of work is weird. My clients started meeting with their new PSR workers while I was gone, then the plan was for me to come back and make the transition final. Maybe it will end up being best for the clients, but I think it's made the transition too drawn out for them. So I'm trying to wrap everything up at work right now which means final visits with clients and calls to people involved with their care. Very, very hectic, but at the same time we've had some really good sessions. I love my clients. I thought I was fine with leaving, but it is tough. Most of the people I work with are amazingly good at verbalizing how they're feeling and letting me see their sadness which is there right now because I'm leaving. Seriously, some of the saddest faces ever, and I'm just as sad as they are to see our time of working together come to an end. They have been delightful. They have taught me so much about sincerity and honesty and overcoming challenges in life.
It's funny how I've been working a lot with my clients on dealing with change, as they will be having to adjust to a new worker, but I haven't been dealing with change the best in my life. Normally, I'm ready for the next thing -- whatever it is. Usually, I'm way excited about what's coming up, but right now I don't care for change too much. I feel like things need to slow down. The song from Jack Johnson, who I really really like a lot, :) keeps coming to mind "Slow down everyone, you're moving too fast..." Yes, I know that change is good for me. I tell my clients all the time that change keeps us from becoming stagnant. I know that God is using all of the change in my life to refine my character and make me into who he wants me to be, but the emotions need to catch up. The hardest part about change for me is when people leave or when you have to leave them (this also includes when people you love change so much that you don't know them anymore). It's hard to really love people and then they're gone. The mutual investment that has been made is gone. Or at least it feels like it is. Memories and influence can live on, which is good. Sometimes it seems easier to me to become more detached and distant so that you don't have to deal with the the discomfort or pain of transition, and that works. But then Alfred Lord Tennyson's quote keeps coming to mind: "Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." That's true. It's worth it.
So my last day at work is June 30th. Then I'm moving to Louisiana at the beginning of August. I think it's going to be great. Do I feel it? No, but I believe God is going ahead of me and with me, so I can say with full assurance that the future will be good.
My friend, Jun, in Daegu, as I was leaving last year said that in Korean they have a quote that says something to the effect of "We're under the same sky". The way she said it is more beautiful that I can say it, but I love it, hence the name of my blog. Knowing that we're still under the same sky, somehow still connected in spirit, makes change and leaving just a little easier.

5 comments:

Rachel said...

You're quite the quoter.

Jessica said...

"You know it!" -Rachel Smith

Anonymous said...

i really dig the confidence you have in Christ!

and i can say one of my peaks of last week was grannyball!

Anonymous said...

and changing is one of the best songs of all time

Chrissy Cross said...

I actually know the old AVB song quite well and I am not ashamed of it. :) Since that was basically all I listened for several years. Anyway. I am not a big fan of change, but the older I get, the more confident I become that when change happens God is always working to make my faith stronger. What a blessing!! I know that your move and new school will only make you stronger. And you will make lots of new friends!! What an adventure.