Doctor Pitiful

I am a bad sick person. Always have been always...well, I'm trying to do a little better. I'm a bad patient. And I'm a bad doctor/nurse. The combo of patient and nurse is a problem, when you have to be both. The problem with being a fairly healthy person (maybe extremely healthy) most of my life is that I hate hate hate when I do get sick. And I always think I'm dying (does this sound like anyone we know in the family? and you can't say me, b/c I've already covered myself). I have to say always, because I've had to remind myself that the few times I've gotten the flu, food poisoning, or even allergies, I've thought that I was dying. That makes this time not as severe - to know that I've thought that before. Then there's the part of nursing myself back to health. No thanks, I'll take the magic wand. Drink more water? When I'm sick that's even less appealing. Vicks? Slimy and gross just gets slimier and grosser when I feel bad, and you have to shower more - which is tricky when you have a fever and a defective shower. Take tylenol and nyquil. After day 6, I'm starting to feel kind of jittery and dizzy, or is just fluid on the ears that's not being relieved by the tylenol? Vicks on the feet? The chest is enough. Chicken noodle soup? I've had chicken boullion, to which the reply was, "no there's something about chicken noodle soup that's better". Today as I was back at work, one of the four year olds, said, "Teacher, are you about to cry?" No, kid, that's just how I look and feel when I've been blowing my nose for a week. She then proceeded to come pat my back. Drink gatorade? Can't stand the stuff. Honey and lemon? Show me some evidenced based research - don't like that either. Run the humidifier the brother brought for me? So much work. Vitamins? 10,000 vitamin C a day and maybe that's why my stomach's hurting now too. Nasal spray? Gag me. Literally. Sleep? Yes, please. Quotes of the day at work: "JASSIE! You best get afta that cold. You'ah lookin peaked." and another lady, everytime I blew my nose: "Bless Your Heart". Thanks, you too. :)
Don't be alarmed all you good doctors. I've been treating myself. I've even been using vicks and have about finished the gatorade. Yep, there's probably a reason I'm not feeling well still. I'm meant to be healthy. Don't give me any afrin nasal spray. I'm ready for the magic wand.