I met with a my hopeful new supervisor this morning, so am thinking and praying about that before I decide to go with him for sure and submit everything to the state licensing board. Supervision is really expensive. Between the 3 and 4 hundreds per month if you're full time. Sooooo much. But, that's all part of the process. After passing the oral and written exams and a full two years of supervision, then I will be receive my actual license. I'm glad I didn't know how involved all of this stuff was before I started. Ignorance is bliss and helps me get through things. If I look to far into the future it's overwhelming and I give up before I ever get started, so I definitely don't care to know the future.
Time for a question. I know, some of you (maybe Nat and Ethan?) have been waiting in eager expectation for one of these, and just so you aren't disappointed, here you go - a closer look into the chaotic, rambling thoughts of me.
What is the line between having expectations for people you love, and becoming "needy" or controlling or too dependent on what they do?
Some of us have ridculously low or high expectations for the people we love and some of us act like we don't have any expectations period, so how does one go about coming up with a happy medium? This question, or I guess two questions, are broad on purpose. Basically give me your thoughts on expectations and relationships.
3 comments:
I think generally expectations are a negative thing. I think it is better to have hopes or desires for a person than expectations. A person can always improve and grow and become more like what you hope they will be, but when expectations aren't met, the natural response is too be disappointed. And why should we be disappointed when people fail? It's the natural thing to do. So save the stress that expectations bring and instead hope for the best in people and be willing to help and forgive them as they fail. I probably am missing some profound ideas and I look forward to being corrected by others.
MATT
I think expectations are bad if they are not realistic but I think some expectations are healthy and that the other person needs to meet them for the relationship to be what it is. The best example is marriage. By getting married you expect the other person to meet certain physical and emotional needs because the act of marriage excludes another person from fulfilling those needs. I think these go beyond just sexual needs. Many affairs begin not necessarily because sexual needs are not being met but because emotional needs in the relationship are not being met so someone is sought out who is willing to meet these needs. Having relationships automatically obligates us to fulfill certain expectations. If you are looking at friendship you expect certain things--don't stab me in the back, be there if I really need help, etc. Expectations are bad when they get out of control--my husband is not fulfilling my needs because he didn't get that big promotion I thought he was capable of before we got married and he was unable to buy me the mansion and yacht that I expected to own five years after our marriage.
I think expectations are formed with two components: 1) the way you think people SHOULD act and 2) the way people DO act.
The first expectation speaks to the way you feel people SHOULD be and treat you. When you think about it, aren't a person's expectations based upon the way they view themselves? So, if you have too low or too high a view of oneself, under or over-inflated expectations will follow. This is the kind of expectation when a person can become needy as they cross the line between "expectations" and "outrageous demands."
The second part of expectation seems to deal more with your expectations of how a person WILL act. This is based on observation of a person's previous behavior and choices. Thus, their past choices will shape your future expectations for them and your expectations for them are more likely fully rooted in reality.
I think healthy expectations come in the blending of the two parts. Of actual expectation and actual reality.
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